Salty Mom Life

Today’s culture is very different than how all our other generations grew up. Each generation has its own defining cultural moments, but in the past the Christian Church remained in the public square. Over the years, the church willingly left the public square and as a result evil filled that void. We see the rise of so many dangerous behaviors occurring in our nation today; it is no wonder our children have fallen victim to it all.

Culture Today

Children are faced with harassment and bullying in ways we never had to deal with. There was always the school yard bully or the mean girl, but nothing like our kids deal with today. Everyone seems to be pitted against each other. If you do not have the right “thoughts” then you are bad and shunned. Worse, if you are not part of a “special victim” group then you are the worst person in the classroom. So, what is the easiest way to become part of a “special victim” group? To adopt and affirm the LGBTQIA+ lifestyle.

Survival Tactic

This often becomes prominent in the 6-8^th grades when kids are going through puberty. (At least that has been my experience with my own family). Which makes perfect sense as their bodies and thoughts are doing all kinds of crazy things. Now is the time to be the most present, loving and understanding to your children.

This is when they doubt their safety, security, identity, and love.  They are looking for acceptance and a sense of belonging. They become horribly rebellious at this time as well, intentionally pushing parents away. Then they look for what they are missing within their friend groups. I would like to share with you how God helped me through this experience with my own child.

My Experience

The hinting around about being lesbian or bi started honestly in 5^th grade. It was very easy to brush this off. I let her know this was something she didn’t need to be thinking about yet, as she was too young. This bought me a little time. My children were enrolled in a college prep private school which had social issues of its own (20/20 hindsight).

Sixth grade the topic surfaced again but I still insisted she was too young to worry about this. Behavior issues and rebellion set in, and 7^th grade was tough. 8^th grade even worse. I felt lost and confused because I didn’t know how to handle this situation. Having so many gay friends in my past, I thought I would be that “cool” mom who could handle this from my child. I quickly found out that I was not that “cool.”

So, what did I do? I prayed. I cried. Then prayed some more. Then I begged God for guidance on how to handle this situation. My concern was that I would handle it wrong. He answered me, loud and clear. He simply said, “Love her. She is on her own journey. Love her in her journey. I’ve got this.” So, I yielded, and I obeyed. The summer from 8^th to 9^th grade was a lot of adjustment, but I loved her where she was.

Her Fears My Emotions

I quickly found out that my daughter had several driving fears. The fear we wouldn’t love her anymore. Which I believe is a fear of most children going through this. They hear horror stories of parents disowning their kids because they “came out.” She feared us sending her away to a “conversion camp.” I never even heard of such a thing and so I looked it up.

“Conversion Camps” are criminal. They are so-called Christians basically torturing queer youth to make them straight. I explained to my daughter that this is NOT who Christ is. This is EVIL people doing evil in the name of Jesus. In order to know Jesus and recognize him in others, I told her she had to read the Bible. I assured her that we WOULD NEVER send her to something like this.

Through the many months, I worked through her fears and my emotions. I spoke truth to her based-on scripture. I did it gently and lovingly, because the last thing I wanted to do was have her running away from Jesus. What was the result? God had this all along just like he said. All He needed me to do, was shine Jesus’ love on my daughter so she would know the truth about love. He would take care of the rest.

That moment when…

By the end of her freshman year, she told me she was never really bi and she knows that now. That she never was fully comfortable with the idea, but it was a survival tactic to keep from being bullied. But now that she had a boyfriend, she could not imagine sharing that type of relationship with a girl. Then she actually said she owed it all to us. She was so blessed to have such wonderful loving parents. Not making that up. It was one of those moments I had to choke back tears and all I could think was, THANK YOU GOD!

Sharing the Journey

I share this story with you, because I think as Christians we freak out when our children tell us they are gay, bi, or lesbian. How did we fail our children? Why would they choose this lifestyle? Did I do something wrong? The truth is we didn’t fail them…yet. This is a normal process now in this crazy society we live in. We fail them when we fail to walk this leg of the journey with them.

Now is a time they need love, compassion, and understanding more than ever. They need to be able to say those things that are on their mind as they try to make sense of everything. They need to be told the truth, gently, and allowed to make mistakes as they figure this out. Pray for them. Pray with them, and most of all TRUST God, he will see this through.

The Truth Is…

Most youth who identify as LGBTQ will outgrow this phase. That small percent that does not, continue to love them where they are and to speak truth to them in love. In the end, we will all stand in judgement before the throne of God. Our children will answer to God for their sins, and we will answer to God for ours.

When God judges you, don’t let him find fault in how you handled this situation with your child. Be obedient to him and love your children as he has asked us to. We only turn people to Christ by shining Jesus’ light, love, and truth. I hope this helps.

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