I have a niece that is marrying this summer. One of the things she wanted my mother to do was write a book of marriage advice. Although we all have some great things we learned along the way, I think if we all would have started in the Bible we would have been better off.
God Created Man…and Woman
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper is just right for him.” Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
Genesis 2:18, 22
I read a pastor’s explanation on this one once and I have loved it ever since. He said God made woman from man’s rib. Not his head for the woman is not to rule over the man. Not his foot for man is not to walk all over the woman. But from his rib, which comes from his side, for her to walk next to. The rib is also tucked up under his arm for him to protect her. It is also close to the heart where he can treasure her. If that doesn’t describe a beautiful loving relationship…. So that is the first place we start to look is how God made man and woman from the beginning.
Man and Woman are ONE
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Genesis 2:24
The first part to look at is that both man and wife leave their families to become ONE. That is a tough one. We like to remain connected to our families and the scripture is not saying that. The problem young couples can often run into, is they remain too connected to their families. In other words, they have family that meddle in their marital lives. This becomes a problem for the marriage.
We leave our families to become one with each other. To love each other as we love ourselves. Which means when there is a problem you address it with each other and not the rest of the family. If you have meddling parents, it is important for the child of the meddling parent, to politely let their parent know they need to butt out, it is not their business. This will help keep the peace with your spouse.
Woman’s Role in the Marriage
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the LORD. For a husband is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so yo wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:21-24
Ladies, I know this is some tough scripture. Ephesians is not the only place it is written. It is all over the Bible. We women of today were lucky to be born after the women’s suffrage movement. We were raised in a wildly feminist and independent world. But is it for the best? In some ways yes, but in many other, I think it has been damaging. We will get to the man’s responsibility in a minute, so just hang on while we look at our role that God intended for us.
He made man first. Like it or not, first. We are a companion to him, not a stepping stone, or whipping post. As I have told some young women in the past, you would NEVER want to marry a man you wouldn’t want to submit to. Let’s face it there are abusive men out there. Being submissive to them would only cause you pain in the long run.
When you are looking for your life mate, you are looking for someone that would make it easy for you to WANT to be submissive to. Because he will always have your best interests at heart when he makes decisions. This doesn’t eliminate your involvement in the process. You should consult with him and talk through life decisions, but in the end it needs to be he (head of household) who makes the final decision.
If that is too hard for you to accept, you have 2 options: 1. Don’t marry. 2. Marry but have a lot of strife in your marriage. When you are both fighting to be head of the household that makes all the decisions, you will be doing just that….fighting. Accepting that God’s ways are not culture’s ways can be hard to do. But when you think that God created this world and all that is in it, including marriage, shouldn’t we trust His design? If he designed it to work this way, then if we just do it His way our marriage will work.
Man’s Role in the Marriage
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
Ephesians 5:25, 28
I think the hardest thing for anyone to do is to put another person before themselves. We are raised in a world that teaches all about me. You are most important, you come first. I know how we got to this, its an outcry to prevent people being in unhealthy and abusive relationships. At the same time it is important to make that clear. If you are already in a healthy relationship the transition to someone before self is critical for a healthy marriage.
Parents experience this literally overnight. Once babies arrive there is no more self. It would be good practice though to start this as soon as you marry. It will be less challenging once children arrive. As God has directed, men are to love their wives like they love themself. So they are to treat them with the same love and respect as they would treat themselves. They are to treasure their wives, care for them, protect them (because, yes, we are technically weaker than men.). Biblical men are not as common in our world today because Culture has pushed them out. We need Biblical men to assume the role intended for them.
Men are supposed to consult with their wives, their companion. They are to listen to her needs and desires and then make the best decision for the two of them. This takes a lot of hard work and putting selfish desires away, especially if it isn’t what is best for the both of you.
If men do as God intended them to do in their role as a man and a husband and women do as God intended them to do as a woman and a wife, than your marriage will be very successful. It is when we fail to do our intended roles that we run into marital strife. Read the Bible, there is so much to learn about everything, but especially marriage! Get a Bible App like YouVersion, which makes looking up specific topics even easier than a traditional Bible format.
I hope you have a blessed week! Don’t forget to check out my Freebies page for more inspiration!
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